A Seemingly Incessant Cycle of National Calamity

A Seemingly Incessant Cycle of National Calamity
by Natalie Wills


In late April of this year, at about 11:00 in the morning, I sat with my dad on a warm yet somber day in his energy-conserving Prius while he drove me from the San Francisco Airport to his Victorian house in the city. Curious as to how he was doing, I sat quietly in observation of his body language and overall energy. Concerned, I asked him about the matter after noticing that he had tight shoulders and a melancholy expression on his face.

"I'm doing fine. How are you?" he asked, he responded.

"You don't look like you're fine. Just watching you is making me feel tense," I replied.

As we merged onto Highway 101, he took a deep breath and explained to me that he was worried about his business. He was low on money and talked about his fear of having to sell his house. He told me that the only job that would supply him with the most money consisted of a project in which he had to fly to Singapore for several weeks every three months.

"How do you feel about that?" he asked.
"I will miss you, but I am going to learn how to deal with it" I replied.
I didn't want to speak up about how I felt about my dad putting our relationship on hold to leave the country again. I knew that he needed the extra money, and feared that speaking up about this issue would bring out an angry part of him that I can't handle seeing.

As we approached the house, my dad asked me if I was hungry. I said "sure" and that I wouldn't mind grabbing something at the house. He insisted that we go to the bakery to get pie for lunch. Knowing that he wanted to treat me to something special, I hesitantly said yes. Later that day as I spent time walking by myself, I lingered on the guilt I felt for the extra money my dad didn't need to be spending on me.

A few days before Mother's Day, my mom, who is no longer financially attached to my dad decided once again that she wanted to go to her favorite restaurant: S.P.Q.R.

"Again?" I inquired.
It was confusing for me to hear my mother talk about how she needed to cut back on her spending when she was once again going to treat me to an expensive meal in the city. As we got off the freeway, we passed several desperate-looking men sitting on the corner of a crowded street waiting for somebody to pick them up so they could perhaps earn the money they needed to buy their mothers flowers for Mothers Day. I also noticed a group of homeless men, women, and children clumped together in their own community. I watched an older looking man peel trash off of his unidentifiable piece of food before he urgently stuffed it into his mouth.

As I looked away and felt the high quality air-conditioning in the car hit my face, I thought about how the economic crisis may affect those that are living on the edge of becoming homeless, and how I was on my way to this extravagant restaurant that would serve me gourmet lasagna for 16 dollars, plus tax.

Sometimes, after hours of witnessing or listening to the negative effects the economy has on our society, it is hard for me to come home to a room filled with electronics, extra space, and expensive musical instruments. When I plug in my shiny black electric guitar, I think about all of the music others may be missing in this crisis. Slantingly, I practice, hoping that maybe if I continue to pursue my musical talent, others will hear so they can once again re-spark the flame that was put out when they began to suffer from the potentially devastating effects of our economy.

Other than the scares that my dad gets about losing his house or having to once again look for another job, I have not had as much first hand experience with the effects of the economy as I know others have. What scares me is that the continuous decline in the growth of our economy is going to swallow the citizens of our country into a pessimistic attitude about life in general. I believe the national struggle with unemployment or exceedingly low income has brought many to a point of leaden impatience, and their motivation has converted to the idolization of discourteous sources of gratification, such as crime or addiction, that they believe will bring happiness but instead will simply isolate them of the possibility of living life to it's fullest.

Watching the unemployment rate in California consistently plummet, I have to say I am scared to veer away from the financial dependency I have had on my parents since the day I was born. The day in which I make the decision to become more independent is creeping up on me just as fast as the rate of commercial bankruptcy in the U.S.. When I move away from home and go to a university that is more expensive than community college, I fear that finding a job may take longer than what I would need to financially support myself. I find myself wondering if my job will become more of an importance than my education; the main reason why I would be wanting to earn money in the first place.

I am open to the possibility of taking a year off of school to work for a company that I would imagine to be paying me minimum wage, though I dream of pursuing my passions in more of a direct way, such as spending my time studying details of musical theory, or hopping on the next plane Bari, the Italian city where my great-grandmother was born. Unfortunately enough, my priority of being able to support myself financially combined with the rate of the economy may put me through an intense trial of patience. My hope is that I can find the strength and courage to do so and pursue the potential I was given to become successful by fully utilizing the resources I have, such as applying for scholarships or searching for other opportunities that will help me build my experience as a future worker. I may also have to cut back on other comforting luxuries, such as making my own lunch instead of eating out, or shopping at T.J. Max instead of Nordstrom. Other opportunity costs that I have already experienced include my lack of hesitation to complete my general education in community college. Reading the many different success stories that have been advertised on the Cañada College website, I am confident that as long as I utilize the opportunities that I have here, I will get into a decent university. Though I have not personally come up with a solution to the budget crisis that is taking place in the Bay Area, I do know that it is effecting me along with thousands of other students that actually want to use the resources that their school provides for them through the help of government budgets.

Today, I decided that I would go to my local library to find that at 5:00 P.M. it was closed. I sat next to another young woman who looked at me, and said, "This library used to be open until 9:00 on Fridays, but the budget cuts have caused it close early."

I wasn't the only one sitting outside reading or doing work. Three others sat with me as each on of us took turns saying,
"The library is closed" (every five minutes) to the many different kinds of people that walked up to the double-doors of the library with their backpacks or computer cases.

Perhaps, as a nation we are suffering some kind of natural or theoretical consequence for not using the resources that we had to our best advantage, from taking advantage of our gasoline supply to turning our backs on utilizing extra luxuries such as the tutorial center at school. Until as a country we can perhaps have an excellent come back, and gather together to utilize each other as our own resources, many will continue to decide whether or not they are going to take this as an opportunity to become a more humble American... or just the opposite.